when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
