Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize