I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
