google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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