he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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