I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
