I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
