Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
People in love make me want to vomit
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
