Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize