i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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