first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
