I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
