he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
