how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
