obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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