Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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