would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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