omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
