It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize