and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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