"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
