I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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