Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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