I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
