I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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