you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I didn't notice because vodka
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
