and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
