seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
