i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize