We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You ruined the universe
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
