You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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