He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i will never coherently bang her
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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