I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
FUCK WHALES
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
