Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize