I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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