I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
