haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
