I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
