i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
