Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
