You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize