Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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