Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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