I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
