I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
