I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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