im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
