If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
