I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
