my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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