Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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