she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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