If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
