Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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