I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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