Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Small penises have feelings too.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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