Sry I called you an 8
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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