just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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