i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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