Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
