I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
