Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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