He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
