i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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