It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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