What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
