I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
