she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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