May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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