don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
