1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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