Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
