All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
