Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Your penis caused this!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
