rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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