Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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