I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize