Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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