My nipple is on Facebook.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
