She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
