i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
