I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
