I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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