If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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