I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
