Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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