I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize