Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
