A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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