Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
